This afternoon, we received a phone call that none of us in the office fully understand. This gentlemen phoned in around 3 p.m. EST. We were able to glean that (we think) he’s a composer… or a manager of composers. Or maybe he does piano pop, or manages someone who does piano pop. Not sure. And we were able to glean that he needs help… with something. It’s truly one of the most, if not the most, bizarre phone call ever received by Crash Avenue. So naturally… we recorded it. Roughly two of the less interesting minutes were edited out… meaning that this 18 minute recording is packed with 18 minutes of confounding, otherworldly, brain-shitting hilarity, and a lot of Jeffrey asking “what is it that you’re asking,” and the caller saying “let me simplify this,” then responding to the question without answering it. We all needed a moment after the call was over. Shooo. Listen below…
Some highlights include:
“I’ve met everyone. It’s easier to say who I haven’t met. I haven’t met Kings of Leon yet”
“If I get a few Grammys, they’re gonna come find me and knock my door down ‘oh hey, we want you’ and I’m gonna say ‘oh well I don’t write the cue.’”
“There’s several different stories about Keith Urban”
J: “Well maybe they don’t want to get with you because they don’t want to sign you”
“No, that’s not it”
J: “Is his name Bonnie Prince Billy?”
“No… who’s Bonnie Prince Billy? [laughs] That’s a funny name”
“Literally we could spend a long time going through everything I know, but that’s been my point. Since like 3rd Grade people have jerked me around?”
J: “What happened in 3rd Grade?”
“I’m like a genius or whiz kid”
J: “So you’re doing music in Alaska?”
“No there’s nothing in Alaska. Jewel was from up here, and Kate Earl. And one of them got practically run over and the other lived in a van, and was homeless and stuff.”
J: “Where’d you live in LA?”
“Next to Cher’s daughter. And I was 3 or 4 houses from the guy in Switchfoot.”
J: “How do you know all these things about me?!”
“I told you, you can name any artist and we can have these kind of conversations. The music industry is a nutty thing.”
J: “It is nutty. But this is the apex of the nutty.”
J: “Read about Advancement Theory. Your mindset would epically shift, because you are truly advanced.”
“Well what about you? Tell me about you!”
J: “I’m not advanced. I’m like Foo Fighters”
“I’m trying to read you because you’re a bit dodgy!”
J: “You haven’t asked me anything so I can duck anything!”
“I want to be in business with you!”
J: “Who wants to be your manager?”
“……… awww man!”
